too much (!!!)
Yesterday, the little sister graduated from high school (it rained in the middle of the ceremony and everyone had to run inside--the poor graduates were soaked through and the old people were rude). It was weird to be back there at that place--I hadn't set foot in those halls for a good 2-3 years. Walking around and having everyone seem so small... just crazy. Although they all looked the same--smaller versions of younger siblings and cousins of the kids I graduated with.
I hear the first high school reunion is next year. Too bad I'll be a continent away. Damn.
I'm trying to rile myself up from the office chair so that I can go back to work. Four more hours of helping people and pretending to smile real big. Okay, so it was really easy to smile real big for the first few hours after Ergin dropped me off. We ate at Denny's this morning and talked about the future and what ... just the differences. Wanting different things.
It's really funny to sit across the table from someone who is in the same place that you are. And the places you plan on being for the next few years--different cities, different continents. Then wanting to return "home"--what the fuck is home? It's a country. But is it? Maybe he'll change his mind after two years in Miami, or a year in Berlin. Maybe I'll change my mind when I'm away from here--who knows when I'll return. Taking the GRE is almost a way to bribe myself into returning?
I still want that sheet of paper. I want to write and write and write and get the worst and best criticism ever. Scare myself into living the dream. Make money for writing words. Change perspectives by writing words. (Take over the world...)
I want to go lay in the green, green grass and stare at the overcast sky through the leaves. All the rain has made the grass lush and thick--it pokes you when you lay in it. And it smells so fresh--everything smells like rain.
I want to read books for the rest of the day and lose myself in the way they look on the page. Hold books and touch pages. Cuddle with my pillow and sleep with a comfy toaster.
I hear the first high school reunion is next year. Too bad I'll be a continent away. Damn.
I'm trying to rile myself up from the office chair so that I can go back to work. Four more hours of helping people and pretending to smile real big. Okay, so it was really easy to smile real big for the first few hours after Ergin dropped me off. We ate at Denny's this morning and talked about the future and what ... just the differences. Wanting different things.
It's really funny to sit across the table from someone who is in the same place that you are. And the places you plan on being for the next few years--different cities, different continents. Then wanting to return "home"--what the fuck is home? It's a country. But is it? Maybe he'll change his mind after two years in Miami, or a year in Berlin. Maybe I'll change my mind when I'm away from here--who knows when I'll return. Taking the GRE is almost a way to bribe myself into returning?
I still want that sheet of paper. I want to write and write and write and get the worst and best criticism ever. Scare myself into living the dream. Make money for writing words. Change perspectives by writing words. (Take over the world...)
I want to go lay in the green, green grass and stare at the overcast sky through the leaves. All the rain has made the grass lush and thick--it pokes you when you lay in it. And it smells so fresh--everything smells like rain.
I want to read books for the rest of the day and lose myself in the way they look on the page. Hold books and touch pages. Cuddle with my pillow and sleep with a comfy toaster.
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