I am quickly becoming addicted to hommus. i am honestly contemplating purchasing a food processor so that I may make it from scratch--could you imagine how wonderful fresh hommus tastes?
This week has been a little lackluster--I will admit that freely. Right now, I'm debating skipping class or not. I should really probably go, but something in my fourth-year-about-to-graduate self is saying that my bed is far more comfortable and it's better to capture my thoughts in word, so that my head won't explode. Really, how important is graduation if you don't have a head?
Last night, we took the cake into Sarah's room and talked about life. Growing up is a pain in the ass. I've moved around more than enough and got pretty good at not caring much about it--into believing that the next step was more exciting and promising than the last. I like moving from home to home. It's simply another way that I shape my life--people count cars, or teachers, but I can go by homes. Different cities, locations within those cities.
The hardest part about moving is the people. I don't like counting my life through stages of best friends, but that seems to be what happens. I never thought it'd be hard to leave college--because it was never hard to leave high school. It's not that I hated high school completely--it was close, but not quite--and the friends I made there were amazing, but I was so eager to leave. And it's not that here I have no idea what I'm doing--that my future is one empty slate in front of me. Not it at all because that really excites me. Sure, it'll be stressful in a pinch, but--the world is too big and there are too many opportunities to be bogged down by fear like that.
I didn't look to the end of college as something that would be painful to leave. I've left other places that were as good as they could have been, considering. I've had good friends before, so maybe that's not it either. It's definitely not that I'm not ready to leave this town--although I wouldn't mind one last summer in Ann Arbor, but 22 years here will be more than enough for me. Mostly, it's because I never thought I'd make such good friends--and the fear of global scramble, which is the hardest part of any crowd, but it seems that these damn @ers take it to a new level, right?
It's exciting, nonetheless. And quite the challenge--to take the last few months to the next level, heights before unknown, all while still maintaining a strategic balance so that we may graduate.
I suppose that's why the four of us spent a good hour sitting on the floor in the bathroom, talking and laughing until, well, you know.
This week has been a little lackluster--I will admit that freely. Right now, I'm debating skipping class or not. I should really probably go, but something in my fourth-year-about-to-graduate self is saying that my bed is far more comfortable and it's better to capture my thoughts in word, so that my head won't explode. Really, how important is graduation if you don't have a head?
Last night, we took the cake into Sarah's room and talked about life. Growing up is a pain in the ass. I've moved around more than enough and got pretty good at not caring much about it--into believing that the next step was more exciting and promising than the last. I like moving from home to home. It's simply another way that I shape my life--people count cars, or teachers, but I can go by homes. Different cities, locations within those cities.
The hardest part about moving is the people. I don't like counting my life through stages of best friends, but that seems to be what happens. I never thought it'd be hard to leave college--because it was never hard to leave high school. It's not that I hated high school completely--it was close, but not quite--and the friends I made there were amazing, but I was so eager to leave. And it's not that here I have no idea what I'm doing--that my future is one empty slate in front of me. Not it at all because that really excites me. Sure, it'll be stressful in a pinch, but--the world is too big and there are too many opportunities to be bogged down by fear like that.
I didn't look to the end of college as something that would be painful to leave. I've left other places that were as good as they could have been, considering. I've had good friends before, so maybe that's not it either. It's definitely not that I'm not ready to leave this town--although I wouldn't mind one last summer in Ann Arbor, but 22 years here will be more than enough for me. Mostly, it's because I never thought I'd make such good friends--and the fear of global scramble, which is the hardest part of any crowd, but it seems that these damn @ers take it to a new level, right?
It's exciting, nonetheless. And quite the challenge--to take the last few months to the next level, heights before unknown, all while still maintaining a strategic balance so that we may graduate.
I suppose that's why the four of us spent a good hour sitting on the floor in the bathroom, talking and laughing until, well, you know.
1 Comments:
this welled my eyes up with tears. its not leaving st. cloud that will be hard for me, its the fact that right now, @ is my life, and its so uncertain at this point as to whether or not it will be still with me in the near future. and that brings the fear that i'll lose contact with people like you... and holly and kait. and that WILL kill me. st. cloud sucks. but its so safe. and mom always tells me to be safe.... aww, fuck it. when have i EVER listened to her. promise to not lose touch for long periods of time. PROMISE
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